The Book of Self Righteous Condemnation

The Bible – the big book of moral benchmarks that we are all judged by. And recently, the gay community more so.

Which is quite ironic. For a book that preaches love, it seems to inspire a whole truckload of hate. Maybe the Vatican was right in not letting lay people read it for centuries.

Misunderstanding under the guise of heavenly interpretation has lead a lot of people to believe that there can’t be any other interpretation of it other than their own. So they cite Leviticus and say that homos are going to hell.

But if the Bible really preached that being gay is a sin, that’s a big flaw that should have never made it past the editors. Sin assumes choice. Choice assumes absence of inherent behaviour. So the sin here is actually a completely lopsided argument. Because most gay people know they are different at a very early age, and grow to identify the difference with age, maturity and a fair mix of hormones.

So how is it a sin, if it isn’t a choice?

Making an Issue

Honestly, sometimes I really don’t get it. I mean, what the hell is all the fuss about? If you want to show people you consider yourself the furthest from ’an abnormal abomination’, why not stop acting like one?

I’m talking about those people who have made their sexuality such a focus point that if you subtracted their sexuality form their personality, you’d end up with just about nothing.

Why do most of us spend most of our lives trying to convince everyone around us that we’re normal by yelling at them, getting into pointless arguments about a misplaces word or two, getting into moods and then calling them homophobic pricks? Why do we want others to accept us so bad? Is it because we can’t accept ourselves? Is it because we think the world has been exceptionally harsh on us by making us gay and feel the need to dish out some suffering on that note?

Why can’t we stop flaunting our gayness all the time? People don’t flaunt their straightness (usually). Why do we make ourselves the exception?

Walk this way, talk this way

“Why are you walking like that? Walk like a normal boy willu!”

Later onwards in life, I would realize that ‘normal’ is a covert reference to hetero. But at that point, I was none the wiser.

From an early point in life, I remember that my father would instruct me, with a sort of severe look on his face, on how to conduct myself. Brother dearest, however, received no such lessons. But I was always coaxed. Coaxed to walk properly, to talk more boyishly, to watch the right tv, to play the right games. To do what ‘normal’ boys do.

Luckily, I didn’t seem to care two hoots about my father’s lofty goals. So I talked the way I wanted, and walked the way I wanted.

But there must be so many people out there who didn’t do that. They must be the ones who got married I guess.

Hide and Seek

I can’t recall much of my childhood. But the little I do recall almost seems to make sense now. I was child who seemed to enjoy everything a typical boy wouldn’t. But being in the company of several such typical boys, I remember always feeling nervous and ill at ease while playing and hanging out. I soon noticed how everyone else’s preferences, likes and dislikes fitted in like clockwork, except for mine. They didn’t make an effort to fit it in – but I had to try so hard.

I remember envying them for not trying. They were so flawless, so effortless. They liked these things naturally – playing catch, playing cricket, watching wrestling and Rambo.

Talk about conflicts of interest. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why the hell no one wanted to play hopscotch.

Was I the only one that felt that way? Or were there more of us pretending?

I suppose those are the earliest signs. But I was too young to recognise how these small differences in my innate preferences and my suppression of them would leave me doubting myself for the rest of my life.

Maybe we’re all just a victim of circumstance.