Hide and Seek

I can’t recall much of my childhood. But the little I do recall almost seems to make sense now. I was child who seemed to enjoy everything a typical boy wouldn’t. But being in the company of several such typical boys, I remember always feeling nervous and ill at ease while playing and hanging out. I soon noticed how everyone else’s preferences, likes and dislikes fitted in like clockwork, except for mine. They didn’t make an effort to fit it in – but I had to try so hard.

I remember envying them for not trying. They were so flawless, so effortless. They liked these things naturally – playing catch, playing cricket, watching wrestling and Rambo.

Talk about conflicts of interest. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why the hell no one wanted to play hopscotch.

Was I the only one that felt that way? Or were there more of us pretending?

I suppose those are the earliest signs. But I was too young to recognise how these small differences in my innate preferences and my suppression of them would leave me doubting myself for the rest of my life.

Maybe we’re all just a victim of circumstance.